Closing Cost Confusion

Ok, I was super excited about this house and being able to call something "ours." After I received some closing cost papers in the mail I'm having some extreme anxiety!

My closing cost good faith estimate came and it said we'd be paying around $16,000 for closing costs. I understand since we went with NVR that we receive the morning room incentive, however, I honestly feel like there is a much better program that would benefit us better in the long run. It's a little disheartening to have saved a good amount of money and then find out it all goes out the window to closing costs. Is there a penalty for backing out from using NVR mortgage? Will NVR work with us on the closing costs to reduce them? Is there a different loan program we should be going with?

When we looked at the model home, we were offered the inventive of getting a morning room valued at $12,895 (I think that was the price) to use their mortgage company. I just pretty much went with the guidance of the sales rep. He said the USDA loan was best for us because of the lower interest rate and no money down. I asked about first time home buyers programs, but he said if we used that we wouldn't get the incentive from NVR Mortgage. Me being me, I just said ok. There the SR used some forms to fill out and he estimated numbers so we could have an idea of what we'd be paying. He originally said we could roll in $10,000 closing costs and only have to bring around $2,000 to closing. Since we had that money in cash saved up, we said we'd just pay the $10,000 to keep it from being in a 30 year mortgage. We ended up saving about $16,000 to use for downpayment and stuff and when I emailed the loan officer to tell her we had that, she said that is about what our closing costs would be, therefore we'd have no money down. I'm super confused! & why do we need to pay an appraisal fee if the house is brand new?

I've called around and talked to a few different people that say our closing costs should be around $10,000 and that we made a big mistake not using a realtor in this process.

I contacted our loan officer, but she is in training throughout the day, so she can't speak with us until about 5pm. I also contacted our loan processor and she said sheis going to pull our file and review it with her closing cost manager and then see what they can do and get us as close to an estimate for what we can expect to pay at closing. I told her that I wanted to know what fee we would be charged for backing out from using them and that $16k was just way too much. Maybe they’re willing to take money off… IDK?

Like I said, I was really excited about this whole thing, but now I'm feeling nervous. I feel like maybe we're getting ripped off and taken advantage of and I think there may be a better alternative to us for lower closing costs, first time home buyers, etc.

At the time, the rate on these papers was 3.25% however when we locked in it was at 3.5%.

Also, is it too late to do anything or switch mortgage companies? We signed a paper stating we were locking in at 3.5% and also that we accepted their approval of our loan. Is it too late to do anything?

Super Stressed !!